PRIMAL REACTIONARY ABSTRACTS
All it takes is a momentary pause for something to slip in, like the phrase ‘primal reactionary abstract,’ then your world can seem to be a little brighter, have a little more purpose then the moment before because a new thought about your work started to take hold in your mind. Does this equate with what you are producing work wise? That is something I can’t answer definitely, just yet. I am letting it sink in a little longer, letting it marinate for a little while (I can’t believe I used the word marinate) let it take time to absorb into my psyche. Letting myself work within the new context of these new impressionable moments, while always striving to understand what the possibility of each and every one of these new moments is capable of bringing.
That is a lot to take in, a lot to digest, a lot to sit with so more inner work will have to be done!
Opening Night At The Gallery…
I can’t believe I forgot to write about the Artist Reception at the opening night for the exhibit “Disjointed Reality.” I must still feel high from the fumes of excitement and buzz of talking to people, some I knew and some I didn’t, that I was completely devoid of time coherence. Family and friends came and people from social media accounts that I had been in contact with appeared to see my work and it was a bit surreal in a good way as well when people admire your work. Work that you have had at home for the past four years and only slightly posted about them online. No one else but me and maybe two or three other people have seen these in person and now for others to see them and to have wonderful comments about them makes my heart feel a little brighter today. Still a lot for my injured brain to take in though and digest it a bit more I will have to do.
Collage Paintings Are At The Gallery!!!
You would think I would be excited that my babies (collage/paintings) are at the gallery but I don’t feel excited. Maybe I am? And maybe it’s just the nervousness of everything actually coming to fruition that is shadowing over everything, pressing down the excited, the joy, the elatedness I probably should be feeling. Is something wrong with me that I don’t feel these things? Am I just doubting myself too much and not putting faith into my own work? My head swarms with ‘what do I do’ thoughts. Maybe I should do nothing and just breath and let the feelings come to me when they are ready. I will probably cry when I see all the pieces framed (courtesy of the galleries) and hanging. I can already feel my eyes swelling. Then there will be the audience. Actually, I realized I don’t care too much what others think about the work since I feel it is the most original work I have every done and it is about me and my life and processing everything that has happened to me since the accident that caused all the chaos to happen in my life…. But I digress.
The collage paintings are at the gallery……… now it’s time for you to fill in the blank!
Primordial Ooze
To go deep into your psyche, your own primordial ooze so to speak is difficult to do and yet it is something I am finding myself doing a lot of lately in order to get to the core of my substance of my belief systems that has created me on the surface. I am talking about this now because I am going back to my beginnings as an artist, my conception, my core beliefs, what drew me to want to be an artist. Freedom is a word that comes to my mind. Freedom sounds about right. Freedom to express myself in a language I understand. I just want people to feel what I am feeling when I am creating it. No words are necessary, just feelings. Feelings without words are more pure, more to the core of realness of life, more to the core of being human. Not a human doing but a human being, just being with my feelings of pure joy, happiness, satisfaction, sadness, anger, enthusiasm, inspired, excited, hopefulness, invigoration, angst, etc., etc.
Now I must just be avoiding the work I need to do so off I go to indulge in my primordial ooze!
New Work/New Series
The start of a new series, a new body of work is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. At least it is for me. So back to the basics I will go. Back to the beginning of what I was drawn to. Back to the core essence of what makes my heart sing when thinking about producing work along certain levels. Back to Abstract Expressionism!
What does Abstract Expressionism mean? It was an American art movement that emerged in the 1940’s and 1950’s. It was characterized by a rejection of traditional standards, a focus on spontaneity and gestural, and the transmission of emotions. The movement was fueled by an expressive approach and often resulted in large-scale, emotionally charged works. Abstract Expressionist paintings often show motion or the artist’s movements while creating the piece.
After re-reading that description (which came from the internet and not me) I decided that that is the perfect place to be. While in the past I have always considered myself an abstract artist it was the emotive part that I had a certain amount of comfortable fluctuations with. A sort of slight trepidation dance with it but now I must conquer those once relentless feelings and move forward into a more expressive abstractionism way…….. Like I said in the beginning, it is sort of exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
The Unseen Aspect
Something that is not thought about right away when looking at a painting is the backside of it. After all who really cares about what you don’t see, right? Well the reality of it is the artist care, at least the ones that have had numerous shows under their belt to show that they have had a lot of experience when dealing with the unseen aspect of the painting. If you haven’t guessed it by now this ‘unseen aspect’ I am referring to is the ever fun and just a little annoying (sometimes it is for me) wiring of the painting. This is usually the last step before handing it over to the gallerist before the work can be hung and it is the often time, tedious but absolute necessary aspect for without it all you would have is a painting leaning against a wall. And while some paintings might look good leaning against something while perched on something else, in many cases it is not so, so to the wiring I must go. Only 5 more paintings/collages left to wire!
When Is It Finished….
I’ve been contemplating that a lot lately. Why, I can’t completely know unless I know a little bit about the aim of what I want to accomplish and that I don’t always know either when setting out to create a piece. It might sound a little wishy washy (it does to me a little bit) but it’s only because I don’t like to force the direction of the piece I much prefer the piece tell me it’s own story. Yes, the piece (whether it is a painting, collage or drawing) starts to become it own entity in a way that I can’t even fathom the first moment I put paint onto the canvas or paper and so I just have to have my senses open to receiving the story it wants to tell. “So painting, collage or drawing, when will you tell me all of your secrets so I can share them with the world?”
Meeting With The Gallerist
The owner of J Pepin gallery came by today to take a look at my works from the Disjointed Reality Series that I have been working off and on since November 2020. In all 22 pieces were selected and varied in sizes from 14” x 11” up to 48” x 30” with the pricing varied just the same. It was a wonderful experience and I was very fortunate that I had the help of my assistant Maddy because I am so wiped out even after taking a nap and being awake for the last 1 1/2 hours. Ahhhhh, life with a Brain Injury Disability. You just never know how tired and in cohesive a meeting like this will make you. Jen is a dream to work with and so understanding and I am so grateful for having this show I just hope I can make her proud and that we sell a ton of works. I wish I could say something witty and charming but that will have to be for another day.
Preparing For My Upcoming Show
It’s a bit nerve racking (does that word need a w on it, I digress) getting reading for this upcoming show since it is work unlike anything I have shown before and it is the most personal. Have been working on this series called “Disjointed Reality” based upon taking old cut up pieces of my past paintings (which represent my past life) and put them on more current work that isn’t quite gelling and make it all work somehow. It sounds messy and chaotic and it usually is but that’s my life since my accident that caused the Traumatic Brain Injury. I have tried to move on from it but the problem is, it doesn’t move on from me since I keep getting more concussions. I am up to four now. But I digress again and I have to get back to the finishing touches of the series since my gallerist is coming over in a few days to select the pieces for the show. YIKES! Back to work I go!….